His first kilt . . .

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt. A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt.

He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a set of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up thum things!"

So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed. A few days later the tailor called the lad back to the shop.

"Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it."

So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his kilt. In his excitement, he decided to run to his girlfriend's house to show off his new purchase. Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to don his underwear.

When his girlfriend answered the door, he pointed to his kilt and said, "Well, what'd ye think?"

"Ah, but dat's a fine looking kilt," she exclaimed.

"Aye, and if ye like it, ye'll really like what's underneath," he stated as he lifted his kilt to show here.

"Oh, but dat's a dandy," his girlfriend shouted admiringly.
Still not realizing that he didn't have his underwear on he exclaimed quite proudly, "Aye, and if ye like it, I've got five more yards of it at home!"

Cuban Kilter . . .

A Scottish guy with the kilt and whole deal walks into a bar in Cuba. He walks up to the bartender and being Scottish he wants to see if he can get a drink for free.

He asks the bartender, "Can ya pour me a wee bit o Scotch?"

"You got money?" asks the bartender.

"Nay, I havna any cash but Ah was hoopin you could spot me wee drrrink."

"We don't do free drinks!", responds the bartender and promptly ignores him. While thinking about how to swindle a drink a guy comes in with a big bushy beard and a cigar in his mouth.

He walks up to the bar and mutters (in Cuban accent), "Castro's Men" and receives a free beer no questions asked. This happens again, guy with the beard and cigar and so gives the Scottish guy an idea.

He hails the bartender and mutters to him, "Castro's Men."

The bartender looks him up and down and says, "You don't look like you have a beard and cigar!"

The Scottish guy lifts his kilt and says, "Aye! Secrret Serrvice!"

Have you seen a ghost . . .

The Society of the Paranormal was having a convention in town and there were many attendees. The president of the society was at the podium delivering the opening address to all who were there in body and in spirit, and he asked the question:

"Who of you have had the occasion to see a ghost?". There was a showing of perhaps forty hands, to which the speaker asked,

"Who of you have had the occasion to speak with a ghost?". Once again the conventioneers raised hands, counting thirty or so.

Then the question, "Who of you have had the occasion to have actually touched a ghost?", to which about ten hands were waved about. The speaker paused for a moment, and then delivered another query,

"Who of you have had the occasion to have sex with a ghost?",and in the far back of the auditorium a lone hand was raised.

"Would the usher please escort that individual with his hand raised to the stage? I simply must inquire further." And with a couple of moments delay the man was brought forward, who incidentally turned out to be a wee Scotsman in full kilt no less.

When the Scot arrived on stage, the speaker asked him, "Well Sir, tell us what it was like to have sex with a ghost.", to which the man replied, "Ghost? Laddie, I thought ye said goat!".